Neji Goes to Boarding School
by Petrified Dog
Summary: Neji goes to boarding school... an all girls boarding school to be more exact. What wonderous adventures will await him there?
1. The Kicking of The Ass

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto... you all know that... so yeah...

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**Neji Goes to Boarding School**

**Chapter 1: The Kicking of the Ass**

That Neji… he's always getting into some sort of trouble. What trouble will he get into today? Let's look and see.

Neji, Lee and TenTen were training with Gai. They weren't having a lot of fun. Well, except for Lee of course. He always has fun whenever Gai's around. So, Neji, and TenTen weren't having much fun. Gai was making them do what Neji liked to call "Kamikaze training exercises". These were hard exercises that usually involved taijutsu. Neji wasn't much good at that. He preferred using his own style. The style which many people like to call "The poke of DOOM!"

Neji, being too tired to continue, decided that it was time to do something about Gai. In his opinion, Gai was crazy and gay. So Neji, being very un-original, decided to kick Gai in the ass. Thus Neji kicked Gai in the ass.

"Ten laps aound the village for everyone since Neji decided to spontaneously kick me in the ass!" Said Gai, even though he looked unharmed. Neji decided that Gai was an evil, crazy, gay man.

Now, everyone was unhappy. TenTen was unhappy because she now had to run 10 laps of the village. Neji was unhappy because his kicking Gai in the ass had done nothing to improve his situation. Lee was unhappy because his precious Gai had been kicked in the ass by Neji. And Gai was unhappy because Kakashi had won a debate against him the other day. So everyone was unhappy.

The three youngsters started their laps of the village. Neji decided to pass the time by ranting about the Main House. He liked doing that lately. He thought that he must inform the whole world about his oppression as a branch house member. The rant went something like this:

_What evil bastards! They killed my daddy! They all must die! DIE!_

This continued for some time. Well, it continued until they were all done their laps.

After their laps, they met Gai in the usual place. He was bent over a piece of paper laughing maniacally. Neji chanced a glance at the paper and saw that it was yet another plan to thwart the famous Kakashi. When would he give up?

Gai, hurriedly shoved the paper away when he noticed Neji peeking.

"Now, you're all free to go except for Neji! I want to have a word with you." Said Gai.

"What!" Neji protested as Lee and TenTen walked away exhausted. Well, actually, Lee only made it five feet before he realised that Gai had asked Neji to stay and not him.

"What about me!" Lee asked, clearly amazed that Gai would not ask him to stay behind as well.

"Not now Lee. Can't you see that Neji and I need to have a very important talk about his manliness?" Gai asked.

"No… but if you say so Gai!" Said Lee in an all too accepting tone. He skipped away happily after TenTen. Maybe she would enjoy his company. Besides, he had to tell her that Neji was having an important talk with Gai about his manliness so she shouldn't disturb him. Come to think of it, Lee had to tell everyone so that they wouldn't disturb them! Run Lee, run! Everyone must know that Gai and Neji are having an important talk about Neji's manliness.

"Why did you do that? Now Lee's going to tell the whole village that your questioning my manliness!" Neji shouted at Gai. Neji was becoming a very angry boy. He should take anger management.

"Now, now Neji. I only told Lee that so I could get you alone and MOLEST YOU!" shouted Gai at the top of his lungs.

"Ahhh!" Screamed Neji. He got into his fighting stance to protect himself from his gay teacher.

"Oh man! I was just kidding! You should have seen your face! It was hilarious!" Gai laughed. "Now, what I wanted to talk to you about was your kicking me in the ass."

"But I thought you already punished me enough for that! Now you want me to sit down and talk to you about my problems!"

"No… I have a better idea…" Gai looked totally evil right there.

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Okay... so that was my chapter of my first story ever to be posted here! This calls for some celebration! dances around like a maniac Okay... I'm done... Anyways, I hope everyone who reads it likes it! 


	2. Kilts

**Disclaimer: **Ummm... yes... you all know what goes here.

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Neji Goes To Boarding School

Chapter 2: Kilts

"No, I'm sending you to boarding school because you kicked me in the ass."

"But I thought we were over that! And where do you have the right to send me away to boarding school? You're not my parent/ guardian!"

Gai sighed. He made a bunch of little seal movements with his hands and POOF! Suddenly, they were standing in front of what looked like an English boarding school.

"Do you doubt my abilities now! Huh? Do ya punk?" Shouted Gai, in Neji's face.

'I still do! No one said that you were-" Neji stopped. He had just realised where he was. "Where in the world are we?" He asked. They were nowhere he could tell. Plus there were a bunch of girls around.

"Now, you just go into that building there and I'm sure everything will be sorted out. Don't miss me to much sweetie!" Gai kissed Neji on the forehead and poofed away.

"Great" Neji said. "I have no idea where I am or what I'm doing here. I might as well do as Gai says and just go over into that office over there." So Neji went over into the office.

Inside the office was a lady sitting typing on a computer. Except, Neji didn't know what a computer was so he just assumed she was plotting some evil plan to thwart... to thwart someone.

"Oh! Hello! You must the new student!" Said the lady before Neji had time to react. "Let's see, you must be Jessica! Are you excited to be coming here?"

"My name isn't-" said Neji before he was cut off.

"Wonderful! Now here is your uniform that you ordered. Put that on and I'll have someone show to your room. You'll be living there for the rest of the year so I suggest you spend some time getting to know your roommate! Have fun!" Said the Lady and then she sat back down and began typing again.

"Wonderful." Neji muttered under his breath. He wondered what he was supposed to do now. He couldn't very well change in front of this lady! That would be embarrassing. He decided to change in a bush he saw outside.

After he had finished changing, Neji was shown to his room. On the way up those treacherous stairs (Neji swore they were going to send him six feet under) he noticed that there seemed to be a lot of girls wandering around. It was beginning to dawn on Neji that he really wasn't supposed to be here and that it was stupid mistake made by Gai. If that was the case Neji had to get out of here. And fast. Unfortunately, it wouldn't be a good idea to start randomly killing people he saw in the hall (which was his brilliant escape plan) so he decided to play along with it for a bit.

He was shown into a small room with pink walls. Oh how Neji loved the colour pink! But he could never let anyone else know that! He would be the laughing stock of the whole village! So Neji put on his fake disgusted face and sat down on the bed he claimed as his own.

Apparently his roommate hadn't arrived yet seeing as how the other bed was empty and there was no stuff lying around. Neji decided to take a nap. Why waste a perfectly good afternoon?

Neji was awakened by the door opening. In bounced a jolly girl. Oh great though Neji. I have to share a room with a girl!

"Hi Neji! Or should I say… Jessica!" Said the girl.

"How did you know that my name was Neji! I don't even know you! Wait…" Neji surveyed the girl standing before him. "Oh my lord! It can't be!" Neji gasped.


	3. Neji's Nightmare

**Chapter 3: Neji's Nightmare**

Standing before him was Sasuke. But it wasn't the Sasuke that Neji knew. It was a Sasuke in a kilt! Then Neji looked down and realized he was wearing a kilt too. It had been part of the uniform that the lady had given him. This must never get out.

"What are you doing here?" Neji asked Sasuke.

"Gai randomly popped up and said that he was sending me to boarding school and before I knew I was here. It must be one of his half-baked plans to thwart Kakashi." Sasuke chuckled. "When will that Gai ever learn?"

Neji pondered this while Sasuke was unpacking. Then he realized two things. First, it wasn't worth the trouble to try and figure out what Gai had up his sleeve and second, why was Sasuke unpacking? He had time to pack! Neji looked over and saw that Sasuke was unpacking a pair of pants and purple night-gown. Neji wasn't going to ask. He had decided that Sasuke was gay a long time ago.

"Well, I'm hungry. I think I passed the dining hall on the way here. Let's go get dinner." Said Sasuke a little too enthusiastically. Neji considered this and decided it was a good idea.

The two of them went down together to the dining hall and sat down to eat a good hearty meal. Neji looked around while eating. Where were all the other guys? All he saw here was girls. Was he in the wrong place?

"Hey Sasuke? Has it ever occurred to you that we're in the wrong place?" Neji asked.

"Nope. I like it here. Good food, nice beds… I don't see anything wrong." Said Sasuke.

"Well, how about the fact that we're the only two guys in this whole place?"

"Now that you mentioned it, this steak is a little to raw."

"I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT THE STEAK!" Said Neji way too loudly. Everyone stared. Neji sighed. Oh well. He'll have to wait till Gai's plan failed and he came to get them back. At least Sasuke was here to endure the pain with him. Neji glanced over at Sasuke.

"Oh yes! I do believe green is the new pink!" Said Sasuke to a bunch of girls. It appeared Sasuke has already made friends. Neji now had no doubt that Sasuke was gay. Neji was kind of disturbed that he had to share a room with him.

"Angela, you do have very good fashion sense!" Said one of the girls (who shall be unnamed). Neji gave Sasuke a funny stare.

"Why did she," Neji said pointing to the anonymous girl, "Call you Angela?"

"Well, I didn't want anyone in Konoha to know this but my real first name is Angela. I just made up the name Sasuke. It sounded cooler than Angela at the time. But now I realise that by covering up my real name, I was also covering up the real me. And by covering up the real me, I was covering up my energy flow. It's all about the karma Jessica… all about the karma."

"I TOLD YOU NEVER TO CALL ME JESSICA!" Neji was really angry now.

"Miss Jessica, if you cannot keep your voice down your voice down and feel the need to shout like an animal then you can spend the night with the animals in the barn." A random old lady said.

"MY NAME IS NOT JESSICA!"

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First things first, I would like to thank everyone who reviewed! I was actually amazed at how many people thought the girl would be Tenten. It was obviously Sasuke. Who else could it be? Anyways, the question is not who else it could have been but... Neji's manliness. I swear, how many guys do you see around with such pretty long hair. I would die for Neji's hair. So yeah, anyways, thanks for reviewing and I hope you all enjoy the rest of the story! 


	4. Talking Horses

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. If I did... my name would be Masashu Kishimoto and not Aiko.

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**Neji Goes to Boarding School**

**Chapter 4: Talking Horses**

The next thing Neji knew, he was put out in the barn with the horses. Surprisingly the school had horses. Neji didn't mind them. They just stood there. And pooped. But that didn't bother Neji.

"I prefer the company of horses to those frumpy old ladies and a gay roommate anyways." Neji muttered as if someone was listening.

"I totally agree. This place is the gross manifestation of supreme idiocy." Said a random horse.

After that, Neji decided he never ever wanted to sleep in the barn again.

The next morning, Neji awoke bright and early to the sound of horses eating.

"Where am I?" Neji asked to no one in particular.

"You're in the barn." Said that random horse from last night. Neji spun around to stare at the horse.

_That's right… talking horse… bad smell… lots of straw…some dirt._ Neji thought.

"It was a rhetorical question. I knew where I was." Neji said to the horse.

"Then why did you ask it."

"BECAUSE I FELT THE NEED TOO!"

"That mouse was right… you do shout a lot. You need anger management."

"Mice talk too? Wait… why am I even holding a conversation with you? Horses don't talk!" And that was the end of that conversation. Neji probably would have continued on his rant about how horses aren't supposed to talk but at that very moment that frumpy old lady who put him in the barn in the first place walked in. The look on her face gave the impression that there was a very bad smell under her nose and in fact, there was… she had just stepped in horse dung.

"Shit! These are my brand new shoes!" She looked up and saw Neji staring at her, "I mean… Jessica! Did you enjoy your night in the barn? Are thinking about joining us for classes today?"

"Sure why not." Answered Neji as with as much civility as he could allow. He loathed the name Jessica.

"Then get cleaned up. Breakfast is being served in the dining hall." Replied the old lady. Then she left. She needed to get rid of those shoes. No perfume or other smelling substance could get rid of that smell.

Neji got up and made his way to the barn door. But not before giving the talking horse a last suspicious stare. _What a weird horse…_Neji thought.

_What a weird boy… I mean talking horses? Whatever he's smoking, I want some… _thought the horse.

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Again, I would like to thank everyone for the reviews I had. Apparently I am so funny I should be put under arrest. This is an interesting theory. I found it highly amusing how some people were actually slightly offended by the fact that Tenten did not make an appearance. She would have, had she not been at a tea party with Lee and the mafia thanks to Kuro (yes, you will get your award... in time). This won't be a sick yaoi fic! The only gay people are Gai (who is sooo obviously gay with Lee), Lee (see note on Gai), and Sasuke (he's gay because I really don't like him too much). Anyways, chapter five should be here sometime on the weekend or maybe even before so just keep checkong back. 


	5. Computer Science

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto... other more godly people do.

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**Neji Goes to Boarding School**

**Chapter 5: Computer Science**

Neji walked down the hall. He was staring at his time table. Oh my goodness! A randomly appearing time table! What has the world come to?

Anyways, moving on with the story… Neji was reading the time table and saw that he had computer science first. _What in the world is computer science? _In Konoha there were no such things as computers. Or so we can assume.

While Neji was walking down the hall reading and consumed by his own thoughts, he tripped and fell flat on his face.

"Ow! Stupid feet… They're only a hassle…" Neji mumbled to himself. That's when he noticed what he had tripped over.

"OH MY GOD!" Neji yelled. _Not him… he couldn't be here… this was just too weird. _

"Oh sorry Neji… I didn't mean to be lying here." Said Kakashi.

"Why are you lying on the floor?" said Neji, trying to recollect himself, "No wait… what are you doing here?"

"Well… it's a long story that begins with Gai, a giant cookie and bubblegum. So now I'm here and lying on the floor for no apparent reason." Said Kakashi.

"That doesn't explain anything." Said Neji

"It could."

Just then… one of those random old ladies came running up.

"There you are Mister Kakashi! You're late for your class. You do know you're supposed to be teaching now don't you? And I would change into a suit. We want to set a good example for our students" She eyed Kakashi's ninja outfit.

Kakashi stood up and shrugged. "I really prefer this. Much more comfortable." He began to walk down the hall ignoring the old lady. Neji hurried to follow.

"What class are you teaching?" He asked.

"Computer science." Said Kakashi. "Ah! Now here we are." He stopped before the assigned classroom.

The classroom was filled with students. Some waved Neji over. _That has to be Sasuke._ It was in fact Sasuke. Neji sat down as far away as possible from him and stared at the machine that was on the desk. Neji poked it. He had no clue what it was.

"KAKASHI-SENSEI! What are you doing here?" Asked Sasuke really loudly.

"Supposedly I'm teaching Computer Science." Kakashi said.

"Oh okay then!" Said Sasuke with a shrug.

"Now is this everybody?" Kakashi asked as everyone nodded, "Okay then. Let's start off by asking ourselves a simple question… What is computer science? Anyone know?"

"The science of computers?" Said one girl.

"Well, one could assume so. Anyways, moving on… today we'll be practicing some ninjutsu and…" Kakashi began. Clearly he has no idea what a computer is.

"Umm… Mr. Kakashi?" Said one girl who raised her hand. "We're supposed to be learning how to use computers, not doing this ninnywhatsit."

Kakashi paused, looking confused. "Well I have no idea what computer science is so I can't really teach you anything. Therefore class is dismissed… have a good day."

"Excuse me, but my parents pay a lot of money for me to go here and get a good education. I don't think it's right that you-" One of the girls started saying. She didn't get to finish because Kakashi waved his hands and she was gone. Kakashi's cool that way. He can wave his hands and make people disappear. Where he learned how to do this… we shall never know.

"Cool! Can you teach me how to do that! I really would like to get rid of my sister!" One girl said and a couple others joined in asking if it could get rid of dandruff as well.

Kakashi shrugged and began teaching the girls how to wave people away. Of course, since they're not ninja's they will never be able to accomplish this wonderful feat. Then again, not even a normal ninja could.

Kakashi waved Neji over. Neji sighed. This was going to be a very long day.

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Thanks to everyone who reviewed! Although I would just like to answer a question asked in one of the reviews. The question (posted by FortSP) is, "Couldn't Neji just poof back to Konoha or something?"Neji might be able to poof back to Konoha but he doesn't know where he is. To poof places you have to know where you are and where you are going. Besides, then where would the fun be. We wouldn't get to see a certain someone wearing a certain something... you'll see later on XD I laugh at this poor someone's expense XD Anyways, have fun reading... the next chapter should be out soon... 


	6. Of Tutu's and Facial Hair

**Disclaimer: **Alas, no. I do not own Naruto.

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**Neji Goes to Boarding School**

**Chapter 6: Of Tutu's and Facial Hair**

It was the end of the day and Neji was tired. He was the kind of tired that you could only get from a long day of boring pointless work. He trudged up to his room that he shared with Sasuke. He walked in and a horrendous sight fell before Neji's poor eyes.

You see, it's not everyday that Neji saw Sasuke in a tutu. In fact, he'd never seen Sasuke in a tutu and had thought that he was at least somewhat sane, except for the whole need to kill his brother thing.

"Umm… what are you going and why are you doing it in my room?" Neji asked, appalled.

Sasuke twirled around. "Oh hello Jes- I mean Neji! I'm just practicing my ballet." He did another twirl. There was probably some technical name in the language of dance for what Sasuke was doing but Neji didn't know it.

Neji shivered with the creepiness of it all. Sasuke in a tutu was just too weird. Almost as weird as sleeping next to a talking horse. Note: almost. Talking horses are by far much weirder.

"Umm… Sasuke… well let me see, there's no easy way to put this..." Neji began. Sasuke waited apprehensively for what Neji was about to say. "Well, actually there is. Get the fuck out of this room."

Sasuke gasped really loudly. So loudly the horse in the barn heard him and gasped really loudly too. The goat in the next town over heard the horse gasp and decided that maybe he should gasp really loudly as well. A beaver over in Canada heard the goat gasp and gasped along with everyone else. Neji waited for the world to stop gasping. This took all of three hours.

"What are you still doing here?" asked Neji after those three hours were up and everyone was done gasping just for the sake of it.

Sasuke continued to stare at Neji as if he was growing a purple moustache. "Oh sorry, I was staring at your purple moustache."

"I HAVE A PURPLE MOUSTACHE!" Neji yelled and ran to the mirror. There was no way in the world he could have purple facial hair. He stared at himself in the mirror. There was no moustache let alone a purple one to be seen on Neji's face.

"I don't have a purple moustache! You liar!" Neji was angry now. First he had to witness Sasuke in a tutu, then he had to wait for all the gasping to stop and now he had just been told he had purple facial hair. When would the madness end?

"Oh I know. I was just kidding. I really gasped because you said a bad word. You shouldn't say such things Neji." Sasuke lectured.

Neji was too disgusted to even respond. _He's finally gone mad. I think I might have gone mad too. Oh well, I'm going to bed. _Neji thought this while changing into his sleeping attire that seemed to have been conveniently placed on his bed. _I'm going to go to bed and hope I'm back in Konoha in the morning._

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_Sorry for the really long wait for Chapter 5. I was busy with school and other things shifty eyes. But now here's Chapter 6. Could you tell I was bored?Please review! 


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